Thoughts become reality

The day started with an argument with the teen. Tried my best to have a conversation, but it kept getting worse and so I walked away. As I drove to my yoga class soon after, I was fuming. I wasn’t watching the road and all my mind could do was wonder where I had gone wrong in my upbringing? And as the usual next step where thoughts go…. “I’m a total failure (as a mother)!” The gloomy, rainy weather didn’t help much either!

As the class started, the anger in me calmed down, but the thoughts wouldn’t. As the class progressed with breathing and slowly connecting to the breath, the argument was forgotten. Since it was a rainy day in the onset of winter, the class was easy-going and more in tune with the weather. Then the yoga teacher asked us to do the sarvangasana (shoulder stand). She did give other variations for those who didn’t feel like exerting. I promptly prepared for the asana which I have been doing smoothly and gracefully for over a year now. And then, guess what happened?

I couldn’t go up!! I tried once more and then again and again…. And guess what a little voice inside my head told me after that? “I’m a failure! Can’t do this much?!” The words I had been telling myself all the way here had become my reality! As soon as I said this, the awareness of what I had done struck me and I paused. Okay, so I couldn’t do the sarvangasana today. Did that really make me a failure? I have been doing it consistently, so I do know it. And the teacher had given other options, right? I did a variation of the asana which would give me the same benefit.

As I stayed in the asana and began to connect with my breath again, a thought crossed my mind. Was arguing the only way to resolve the issues with my teen? Surely there were more ways to get the same result. I just had to look.