Receiving with love

Every time you think you know yourself better, something comes up and you realise there are many more breakthroughs to make.

Recently, I complimented a friend on the smart bag that she was carrying and enquired about the make and place from where she got it. She surprised me with her “Take it. It’s yours!” It was incredulous. I was flustered and naturally refused to take it. She insisted and while I was still protesting, another friend said that if I wasn’t taking it, she would. Between the two of them, they tried to convince me to take it. I felt a HUGE resistance in me to accept it.

I stood there holding the bag, with a part of me resisting and another part of me wanting to take it. I knew it was being given to me with a genuine intention and love. So why the resistance? I closed my eyes to understand and found that the fact that it was a smart bag from an expensive brand which surely cost a lot wasn’t the reason. It was the fact that I see myself as a ‘giver’ rather than a ‘receiver’. And this image of myself was holding me back. I felt a heaviness in my chest at the thought of receiving something that was probably dear to someone. Yet I knew she wanted me to have it.

I weighed the two feelings to see how they aligned with me. Not taking the gift would keep me aligned with my image of myself. The giver. Me – someone who gives openly to try and bring smiles to others. Taking the gift which was so generously being given to me would serve the same purpose – bring a smile to my friend. So, I accepted it. With love.

And as I did, I felt a release inside of me. I found my tears flowing and the heaviness was now replaced by gratitude for having such wonderful people in my life.

But my real breakthrough came the next morning, when I messaged my friend to thank her for her gift. She said that she wished she could have given me a new bag, instead of an old one. And that’s when I realised that I would have readily taken a new bag. It was the fact that she had had given me something that she probably had selected with much care for herself, something that was dear to her, that had made it difficult for me to accept.

And in her giving, she had given me her love.