A conversation about needing and wanting people got me thinking….
A lot of us go through life needing someone at some stage. Why do we need people? Is it because there’s something that we lack in ourselves and they fill that gap? Once in a way may not be such a bad thing, but someone who is constantly needy, constantly dependant….That can be taxing!! And this comes from someone who’s been on both sides!
When we reach out to a friend and say,” Hey! I need a bit of help here” is ok. But if it starts happening too often, quite another story! And especially if its emotional support that one is looking for. It becomes more of a take take take kind of relationship where the giver at one point starts feeling used (maybe) and then withdraws.
There may be a flip side to this. Sometimes, the giver may feel a sense of having the upper hand, being in control. It may be easy for them to mould the thinking of the person to stay in control, especially if there is a lack of self confidence or eroded self esteem.
But what if the needy one moves on to becoming not needy? That is possible. Self realization and taking charge of one’s life may actually help a person towards self improvement. A person who’s more in control of one’s life, more confident about oneself can then give back to the relationship from where they had been taking.
So does that mean the person they used to turn to becomes less important? That they don’t need them anymore? What if the person moved from only needing that friend to simply wanting them in their life?
To want someone in our life is to celebrate their presence, their very existence. To want someone in our life is to show them that we love the idea of having them around, that we cherish the moments spent with them and that we value their company. To want someone is to have the innate desire to share all the good stuff with them and maybe occasionally the not so good. It comes most naturally. After all, one did go to them when one needed them. They would still be the first on our mind…..but now for more positive reasons!
And yes, we would still need them. After all, who’s going to travel with us on this wonderful journey called life?!!